


Stuck in the Middle

by impravidus



Series: Parkner Week 2020 [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Parkner Week 2020, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:00:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25730218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: Harley and Peter both go to Tony about their plans to propose to each other.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener & Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Harley Keener & Tony Stark, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: Parkner Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862851
Comments: 32
Kudos: 305





	Stuck in the Middle

Tony and Harley sat at the picnic table by the lake with big bowls of Southwest salad topped with extra bacon bits (courtesy of Harley and his love of the salty goodness), enjoying the sound of the water rippling against the soft breeze, leaves rustling and birds singing sweetly.

Harley was staring pensively at his bowl, eyebrows furrowed and jaw clenched in deep thought. It had been a good five minutes of him mindlessly stabbing at his lettuce, not even bothering to actually bring it up to his mouth, when Tony finally broke the silence.

“What’s wrong?” 

Harley looked up. “Hm?”

“You’ve clearly got something on your mind. So, out with it. Lay it on me.”

Harley shook his head. “No, no, it’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing when it’s clearly eating you alive right in front of me, bud.”

Harley sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and then through his hair. “Okay. Okay! Okay.” He pulled up his satchel, rummaging through until he finally found what he was looking for, and placed a velvet box on the table.

“Oh,” Tony said simply, eyes widening.

“Yeah,” Harley replied.

“So, what’s the problem here?” Tony asked.

“I’ve got the ring, but I don’t know how to ask him.”

Tony nodded. “Ah.”

“It’s just… he deserves the best, y’know? He  _ is _ the best, so he deserves the best, and I don’t know if I’m the one that can…” He clamped his mouth shut, shutting his eyes.

“Harley,” Tony said softly. “ _ Harley _ ,” he said firmer. “You and Peter? You two are so good for each other. In fact, if I believed in fairytales, I’d say that you guys were soulmates. You two balance each other out, and you make him  _ so _ happy. You can see it. You can see how happy he is. And you can see how happy you are. You two are good, and no matter what you do, he’s gonna love it, and he  _ is  _ gonna say yes.”

“But what if—”

“No buts. No what ifs. There is no ‘but what if’ because there is no timeline in the damn multiverse where Peter is gonna say no if it’s you asking him.”

“But…” Tony gave him a pointed look. “I just, I want it to be so special. When my dad asked my mama to marry him, he didn’t do anythin’ special. He didn’t even get down on one knee because they didn’t really wanna get married. But they got hitched ‘cause she got knocked up and then had me, the bastard baby that ruined their college experience, and they were stuck with each other until he left. And I… it just, I need it to be perfect. Better than perfect. I need it to be everything that mama didn’t get and more because I can’t imagine giving Peter less.”

Tony softened. “Harley, you know that you’re not him, right? That you’ll never be him.”

“I just… I never want to be  _ like _ him.”

“You’re not. You never  _ will _ be because you’ve been a better man than him since you were a kid, and I know because I saw it. I saw you.”

Harley rolled his fork between his fingers as he thought. “Thanks, Tony.”

“Anytime.” He placed his hands on the table. “Now, what’s your gameplan?”

“Well, at first, I was thinkin’ a nice dinner, but you know how he feels about spending so much on food…”

There was a frantic knock at the door.

Tony groaned as he pulled his aching body off of the couch.

The knocking got even louder.

“Jesus! I’m coming!”

When Tony answered the door, Peter was glowing with excitement, the brightest smile on his face. 

“Tony! I’ve got amazing news.”

Tony forced himself to loosen up and not show that he already knew what he was going to say. “Oh really? That’s great!” Tony glanced at Peter’s left hand, but there was no ring. Hm. 

“Should we sit down? Maybe we should sit down. This is sitting down kind of news. Let’s sit down.” Peter shuffled to the couch, bouncing as he sat on the cushions.

Tony, much more calm, took a seat next to the brunette, turning to face him. “So what’s the news?”

Peter pulled out a box from his jacket. “I’m gonna ask Harley to marry me.”

Tony’s faux curiosity morphed to pure confusion, obviously showing through his scrunched frown. “Oh?”

Peter’s smile fell. “Is it… do you think it’s a bad idea? Bad time? Oh gosh, is it?”

Tony, quick to recover, shook his head. “No, no, not at all. Peter, this is great news.”

Peter, relaxing, let out a breath. “Oh. Good.”

“So, do you have a plan yet?” Tony asked.

“I’ve got a long list actually, but I’ve gotta narrow it down to the perfect one,” Peter said.

“Well, you’re already ahead with that.”

Peter cocked his head. “Huh?”

“Good to be prepared,” Tony covered up.

Peter nodded, a goofy grin on his lips. “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

“And by a while, do you mean daydreaming about it since the day you met?” Tony deadpanned.

Peter flushed. “Maybe.”

“Did you bring this list?” Tony questioned, genuinely interested.

“It’s hidden inside of a Google Doc of soup recipes.”

Tony raised an eyebrow.

“Harley swears by using printed recipes. Can’t even stand reading a recipe off of his tablet. It has to be on paper,” Peter explained. 

“Huh.”

“So, my first idea was skywriting, but then I was like…”

“Tony, I’m gonna ask him tonight.”

“Hello to you too,” Tony said flatly, balancing his Starkphone between his shoulder and ear. 

He could just sense Harley rolling his eyes. “This is a big deal, old man.”

“Alright! Alright. What’s the plan?”

“Well, we’re at Disney, and I know how much he loves wishing wells, so I’m gonna pop the question at Cinderella’s Wishing Well. Whenever he makes a wish, he closes his eyes before throwing the coin in, so when he’s not lookin’, I’ll get down on one knee, and well, you can figure out the rest.”

“Well, good luck, though I know you don’t need it,” Tony said.

“Thanks. I… I should be nervous, but I don’t think I am. I’m just so excited to start the rest of my life with him.”

“Very poetic. You been reading Nicholas Spark?”

“Ha ha. I’ll tell you all about it later, alright?” 

“I look forward to hearing all about it.”

Harley hung up, and his phone immediately buzzed after, Peter’s name popping up.

“Oh God,” Tony muttered. “Yello?”

“Tony, I’m gonna ask him today.”

Tony pressed his lips tightly together. “Is that so?”

“Harley took me to Disney, and I thought, hey! Disney is the perfect romantic spot, right? I mean, it’s a  _ little _ cheesy, but it’s also so romantic!”

“Mhm. Very cheesy. Very romantic.”

“We’re getting ready to go to Animal Kingdom — he’s in the shower right now by the way, he can’t hear me — and we’re going on the Wild Africa trek, and I saw there’s this bridge surrounded by trees, so I think that’s the place.”

Tony nodded. “Well, tell me how it goes.”

“Will do!” Peter said cheerfully.

Tony groaned very loudly when he saw “Mind Controlled Animals at Florida Disney World Animal Kingdom, Spider-Man and Iron Lad on the Scene” on the news. 

It was a full two weeks later when Tony got another call from Peter.

“Tonight’s the night.”

“Oh? Really?” His phone sat on the kitchen counter as he one-handedly mixed a bowl of banana bread batter.

Peter hummed. “I’m gonna set up a nice late night picnic on our favorite rooftop and watch the fireworks.”

Tony frowned. “It’s New Year’s Eve already?” 

Peter chuckled. “Yes, it is.”

“After Christmas, it’s all just a blur. I barely even know what day it is.”

“It’s Friday,” Peter said.

“Huh. Time flies,” Tony said with a shrug.

“We’re gonna grab drinks with May and Happy before we go out, so I hope he won’t be able to tell what I’m planning.”

Tony covered his face with his hand, knowing exactly what Harley was planning. “I’m sure he won’t be able to tell.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow and tell you about how it went!”

“Not too early. I need my beauty sleep.”

Peter chuckled. “Not too early. Got it. So, 5AM work for you?”

“I’m hanging up now.”

“Bye!”

Tony stared at his phone, unsurprised by the call coming in after.

“Hello?” Tony answered, stirring in the chocolate chips.

“So, me and Peter are going out for drinks with May and Happy.”

“Oh, really?” Tony asked, tone obviously unsurprised.”

“And, I was thinking, I should do it when they’re there.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you,” Tony droned.

“You okay?” Harley asked.

“Fine!” Tony said, trying to sound as chipper as possible. “Just need my midday nap to survive the night.”

“Get some afternoon shuteye, old man,” Harley said. 

“Good luck,” Tony said. “Want me to send you some celebratory banana bread?”

There was a long pause. “Actually, yeah, that’d be great.”

And of course, there just  _ had _ to be hundreds of bombs trailed in the subways of New York that were planned to trigger at midnight.

Of course.

After that, Tony began to slowly lose patience (and sanity) with every update and inevitable failure.

Harley on a late night boat ride under the stars where he tipped the boat over in attempts to get on his knee (thankfully not losing the ring to the sea).

Peter at a fancy vineyard with “super duper fancy” charcuterie boards and wine tasting where the wine happened to include blueberries and Harley’s throat closed minutes before Peter was going to pop the question.

Harley putting together a big family video call to surprise the family too, but Peter shared his upcoming spotlight in Science magazine, and the conversation shifted to that.

Peter trying to make a nice home cooked meal and accidentally leaving the burner on, setting a dish towel on fire.

Several public outings where they were rather upstaged, distracted, or pulled away, four more interrupted dinners, a violinist with a cracked rib (don’t even ask), and so many Spider-Man and Iron Lad emergencies that it seemed that the universe just didn’t want them to get engaged.

So, there he was, one year later, getting a text message with a selfie of the two holding up their left hands, engagement rings glittering under the flash.

Tony’s mouth was agape in shock and overwhelming relief that he would never have to hear their proposal schemes ever again.

_ tin can man: How did that happen? _

**Bambino: when i went to go hide the ring in the gurgle pot, i found harley’s ring in there too! and i was like “hey whats this” and he was like “oh uhhhh that’s nothing” and i pulled it out and he was like “wait why do you have two” and i was like “well this is for you” and then he was like “well This is for You” and then we kinda just stared at each other and i was like “wanna marry me” and he was like “yeah do you wanna marry me” and i was like “yeah” and then we kissed and now we both have rings**

Tony gawked at his screen.

_ tin can man: Only you two. _

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to chat, my Tumblr is [official-impravidus](https://official-impravidus.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Russian Translation [here!](https://ficbook.net/readfic/9809742)
> 
> If you want to join a Parkner Discord, click [here!](https://discord.gg/vztSVpg)


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